Consequences measure our behavior and for the most part we … The key to breaking any habit is awareness. Is it to figure out your problem, make it come out a different way, make your pain feel heard? There may be may other explanations, after all: Natural consequences, the ones we are addressing now, happen as a result of behavior that are not planned or controlled. Simply stated, a consequence is the result, either negative or positive, of a person's action. The Neuroscience of Feeling Surprised by Unpredictability, Eating Disorders at the Intersection With Kosher, Teach Your Teen to Set Emotional Boundaries, The Do's and Don’ts of Parenting an Anxious Teen, How Change Drives the Parent-Adolescent Relationship, Limits of Natural and Logical Consequences in Parenting. Simply stated, a consequence is the result, either negative or positive, of a person's action. Mendi Baron, LCSW, of Elemental Treatment, MendisPlace.com, CYHM.org, is a passionate advocate for teens and young adults in the fields of mental health and addiction. I don't bring it back and it doesn't keep me up at night. If everyone does it then it must be an evolutionary response to pain. If we can just understand our pain more clearly, spend more time with it, we’ll be able to figure it out—in other words, make it go away. What can be done, then, to break this addiction to pain? I have Borederline Personality Disorder and these methods are part of my DBT Therapy and Stop is my go to word when I begin to think negative thoughts. When I get out of those problems, then the suffering goes away and I don't bring back what's happened unless it's there for a purpose. etc. Would Moving to a New City or Country Make You Happier? Inquire. The so called analytical hypothesis is that rumination and even depression are adaptive states and modern psychology simply denies this. Think about the findings in neuroscience that depression involves a physical pain response. The mind will always choose thinking about pain over experiencing it directly. Develop awareness. Does it make you feel better? We simply want relief through thinking, through our calculations, projections, by thinking as if there can be flawless choices. Do you feel like everything you ask your teen to do becomes a battle? Become conscious of your tendency to insert moments of peace with morsels of suffering. Like vultures to a carcass, we’re drawn to what hurts. Without an agenda of what needs to be fixed, we literally lose our separateness from life. 14 Traits Found in Highly Religious People, Research Suggests That Synchronicities Can Aid Psychotherapy, A New Personality Test Also Gauges Mental Health, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Unless it's been brought back. There IS a sense of empowerment in the HERE AND now. When you notice that you’re down the rabbit hole in your story of suffering, velcro-ed to it, take a moment and acknowledge that you’re there, that you’re caught. Facebook Image: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock, LinkedIn Image: wong yu liang/Shutterstock, "We return to our suffering because, fundamentally, we’re trying to make the negative experience come out a different way.". If I made bad choices now because of something in my past, that would be on me. It’s not just you. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. In response to the feelings we don’t want to feel, our mind takes control and steers us in a more familiar direction. It is hard to believe that such phenomena could be so hardwired and not be to be honest. It really isn’t. What would happen if we stopped remembering and reestablishing who we are all the time? Would Moving to a New City or Country Make You Happier? I tell people who are living in their past pain that they're doing it to themselves. Here are some of the messages parents give their children when they attempt to fix things for them: You are special so normal rules don’t apply to you. Are You a People-Pleaser at Your Own Expense? Is there proper research to support this generalization? Sense where and how in your body, in what sensations you are experiencing this pain story.

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