Another judge stops him and asks what's so funny. And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. 1. A drunk was in front of a judge. "You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" "The courthouse? What did the judge say to the dentist? I shot him. ", Woman responds, "No, Your Honor. ... One of the jurors succumbed to the heat, falling asleep just as the victim was being questioned by the prosecutor. Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client. ", The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?". ", Husband "my wife is out all night, every night! His teacher asked him why he was late, and he said that he was on Blueberry Hill. All the people around him teased him about it. I was blowing bubbles in the park and the next thing I know I'm getting arrested .. the judge looks shocked and drops all charges. What do you call a judge with no balls? He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house. So Joe went to see a judge to have it changed. The dog said, "Don't worry, I brought it back to him.". Fantastic, your Honor. The judge asks "would you like to live with your mom? ", Each one knows the other is there but thinks the other does not know that they are there. -Henry Youngman Contestant #1 walked out on the stage with 12 children behind him. "Not guilty" said the second defendant. A man and his wife were in court to get a divorce. Apparently, the height of parental comedy is roasting your kids before they even realise what’s happening. © ", What do you call a talent show judge who poops a lot. Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. The judge told her to stop using crack and start showing it? CEO: In my defense, it was Christmas time. I wasn’t talking to you, said the judge. Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs. I showed it to them and they said it's really funny. The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." judge JOKES (random) The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?" me: dang, 68? The judge looks at Joe puzzled and asks, "What is your, Mickey- “No, I didn’t say she was extremely silly. A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); asked the incredulous judge. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. 1. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: Irene, rouse_2012, Kandjlavis. Clearly he struggles with premature adjudication. It was closing time at the bar and across the street sat a police officer in his cruiser hoping to pick up someone for a DUI. Me: Your Honour couldn't you consider shortening the sentence. Odor in the court. He said he had just caws. From out of the audience a man shouts "You lying maggot! Was all in court and the judge said we find you guilty and we will give you parole in 10 years, but until then i can grant you one thing that you can have in your cell that will be restocked every day until then. How did the blonde lawyer sway the judge? “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one!” The judge told her to stop using crack and start showing it? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); A drunk was in front of a judge. The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" Why does Lindsay Lohan want to pose naked for Playboy? After hours of spying each one decides they need to go out for some fresh air. “State your name and tell me why you were arrested.”, The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence. The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a shovel." Confucius says, "Women who sit on judges lap, get honorable discharge". "I wasn't talking to you" the judge replied. asked the solicitor. -Henry Youngman Confucius says, "Women who sit on judges lap, get honorable discharge". Judge: Mr. Smith, have you ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that youth and discretion are ill-wed companions? "Where are they?" He couldn't allow a salt and battery in his court! Almost everyone agrees it's good. .... A good lawyer knows the law. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig.". They said he had no Right to pass judgment. The judge said that was true. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied. Judge Joke 1 The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. Let's get started.". What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? The partner was horrified. The drunk says "Great! The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started." Some of them says it's too good -- maybe a little bit too funny. The guy starts calmly. It’s a bar, by definition that’s where people go to make bad decisions. asked the driver. The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." He couldn't even get a wife because of it. During recess, one party approached the judge and offered a sum of money for a favorable decision. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. One night, a priest, a preacher, and a rabbi are having a game of poker when the cops suddenly bust down their door and arrest them all on the spot. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." Read on for 13 of her funniest and toughest one-liners about telling the truth, showing respect, and why she is always the boss. The reason one-liners make the best dad jokes is that it doesn’t matter if the audience is listening.

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